6 months...

Apologies I didn't post sooner. Genevive's 6 month anniversary hit us hard. I didn't sleep for a week before, and then could do nothing but sleep for a few days after. For her 6 months we made a temporary headstone, since we didn't make enough for a real one yet, but didn't want her grave empty. We weeded and evened out the dirt. Put down chipped marble. Decorated the marble with the gemstones we had on the grave before. And added a special butterfly and frog we bought for her. I hope to have a real headstone for her one year anniversary. I know of other Angel parents who made temporary ones like this and they crack during the winter. They just aren't made to handle the elements. But it looks pretty for now.

I don't know how I would have gotten by without Eddy. he is so supportive of my grief. We were having a really rocky period in our marriage for a while. I believe the twins and Genevive's death has brought us closer together.
Happy 6 months Genevive. We miss you and think of you always.

Grieving is so hard!

http://brycemoline.blogspot.com/

I follow this blog. This little guy has stolen my heart. He is not doing so well now though. And I feel myself panicking. I feel myself doing what ifs. I want to tell his parents all the important things not to miss just in case. Of course if I sent any message to them suggesting he could die that would be horrific. Why can't we save them all. I wish every pregnant woman was told about NILMDTS and to take a billion photos and stuff, just in case. Then there would be no woman who has lost her baby and said, I wish I had spent more time with them, I wish I had better photos. I wish I had more memories.

I wish I could help people more. I know how these parents feel, I watched Genevive struggle to oxygenate herself. It ultimately led to brain death and organ failure. I understand that terrible feeling in your gut. I wish I could take it away for them. I don't know why I follow these things, I think I am just to sensitive. Please pray for Bryce, the world doesn't need another angel.

EDIT: Bryce did pull through and is still fighting! I have a good feeling, I hope he goes home with his mommy and daddy soon, the NICU is such a tough ride.

6 months approaching

Yup, 6 months is approaching, and it is hitting me hard. I haven't been sleeping, and I don't really know what to do with myself. I have put a lot of energy into the headstone fundraiser. But at this point I am discouraged. it has petered out, I don't know any other places to post about it, and asking others to repost it hasn't gone well. I just don't have a big enough presence on the net I guess. I have done about as much in her baby book as I can. I am just running out of things to do for her. So what do you do when there is nothing left?

I guess I will find a new video for the front page.


Here is Genevive the morning that she got sick. I have watched this a lot to see if there were any signs that I missed. I had her out for a couple hours.

Headstone drawing

We are leaving to get some quotes on the headstone. I appreciate everyone who is posting about it on their myspace and facebook etc. Here is a rough drawing of what we want, but it may change when we get there and get an idea of pricing and what is available etc.

Well I took that drawing down, since after headstone shopping some things have changed. Right now the stone is still being decided on, LOL. I did see one that is perfect, but I am concerned because it is more expensive. I am in contact with several headstone companies right now.

This is the one that stole my heart

http://www.offerstone.com/Angel-Headstones/Angel_Monument_MG0455.html

But man, see that price tag! plus its a mail order company, not sure how to deal with this. Why isn't there a "what to do when your baby dies" book.