Monday, July 20, 2009

6 months...

Apologies I didn't post sooner. Genevive's 6 month anniversary hit us hard. I didn't sleep for a week before, and then could do nothing but sleep for a few days after. For her 6 months we made a temporary headstone, since we didn't make enough for a real one yet, but didn't want her grave empty. We weeded and evened out the dirt. Put down chipped marble. Decorated the marble with the gemstones we had on the grave before. And added a special butterfly and frog we bought for her. I hope to have a real headstone for her one year anniversary. I know of other Angel parents who made temporary ones like this and they crack during the winter. They just aren't made to handle the elements. But it looks pretty for now.

I don't know how I would have gotten by without Eddy. he is so supportive of my grief. We were having a really rocky period in our marriage for a while. I believe the twins and Genevive's death has brought us closer together.
Happy 6 months Genevive. We miss you and think of you always.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Grieving is so hard!

I follow this blog. This little guy has stolen my heart. He is not doing so well now though. And I feel myself panicking. I feel myself doing what ifs. I want to tell his parents all the important things not to miss just in case. Of course if I sent any message to them suggesting he could die that would be horrific. Why can't we save them all. I wish every pregnant woman was told about NILMDTS and to take a billion photos and stuff, just in case. Then there would be no woman who has lost her baby and said, I wish I had spent more time with them, I wish I had better photos. I wish I had more memories.

I wish I could help people more. I know how these parents feel, I watched Genevive struggle to oxygenate herself. It ultimately led to brain death and organ failure. I understand that terrible feeling in your gut. I wish I could take it away for them. I don't know why I follow these things, I think I am just to sensitive. Please pray for Bryce, the world doesn't need another angel.

EDIT: Bryce did pull through and is still fighting! I have a good feeling, I hope he goes home with his mommy and daddy soon, the NICU is such a tough ride.