Thursday, November 12, 2009

I'm going slightly mad..

You know that queen song.... Yeah it's been stuck in my head all morning. I really am going mad. I could elaborate, I could bitch, I could yell, I could vent, but what's the point. I am insane, it would just be the meanderings of an insane woman.

One another note I was so disappointed I couldn't do a butterfly release for Genevive's first anniversary. But I found the perfect alternative and have found a bit of peace over that. Not telling yet though until I know its a set thing.

Monday, November 9, 2009

I love you all

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another,
"What? You too? I thought I was the only one." -- CS Lewis

I am going to let you in on a little secret.... I want people to read my blog. Now I know I have said I blog to help me in my grief, It doesn't matter if people read it. And it's true, that is why I blog, but when I check my blog and see that little comments button It makes me happy. The fact is I want my baby to be remembered so badly and this blog is the only really tangible proof she is. No one comes to this blog for anything but to read about Genevive, that is all it is about. For a millisecond I wanted to blog about other things, but it never felt right. This is Genevive's space and when people come here they are gonna hear about her. Now in the way of blogs this one is a dud, it has never taken off. It was even featured on the local news but I still don't really get traffic. However I have a faithful blog following of 5. That is what this post is about. A night like tonight when I feel bad and need something I can come here and vent and I know my 5 faithful blog followers will read it, and be angry with me, and feel it is unfair that Genevive isn't here. Others have popped in once or twice, maybe I scare them away. But my faithful 5 aren't scared by raw grief, they know what it is like, and I know almost everytime I post 2 or 3 of them will come be my cheerleaders.

Catherine - I ran into Catherines blog one day while surfing the web. Our stories are similar and my heart darn near skipped a beat. She had twins and lost Georgina in early infancy just like me. She so eloquently says all the things in her blog that I wish I could say in mine. The first time I read through her blog I had tears streaming down my face for hours. I do not know why this one blog touches me so deeply.

Melissa - I met on a support forum, her angel Calypso passed away from NEC just like Genevive. Thier stories are similar and it is nice to know somebody who has been there. I haven't really found anyone else who has a baby who died from NEC and that makes me sad. She has a whole bunch of websites and memorial sites and activists sites, she is a busy bee in the infant loss world. So I will link to my personal favorite.

Brittanie - I met Brittanie through my Due Date Club, we were pregnant together. She lost her baby Cora in a past pregnancy, and has been very supportive. She maintains a family blog, and has recently started one just for Cora.

Debby - I am not sure why she keeps coming by, I have been kind of rude. She keeps offering me this handkerchief and I have not answered her once! I don't mean to be rude, sometimes my grief hits me weird like that. I DO want it in fact, and someday when I really need to I will email and say I need a hanky for my tears. Hopefully she will still want to give me one.

Nan - I found her through her blog about her triplet angels Shelby, Megan and Lynne. She has a beautiful garden she maintains in thier memory and blogs about it often and about her journey through grief.

So there. I remember all of your angels and causes just like you guys remember mine. Hopefully some other people will remember them too. I don't have a large following, but in the least the 5 of you now know about each other ;-P I love you all.