Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Twin sorrow.

I spent some time today in the multiples forum I frequented while pregnant. It was neat to see the babies who are toddlers now and read up on everyone. But it made me feel very sad.

I should have two babies, and be posting cute photos, and giving out awesome advice on how to handle twins. I am angry at how many of the moms there complain about how hard it is to have twins. I think its way harder not to, but I guess I am glad they don't realize that.

I am a mom of twins too.

On another note, it has been a while since I have stayed up all teary eyed missing Genevive. I miss her every day of course, but then sometimes it is just so painful its all consuming. But that is happening less lately. Maybe I am moving forward in my life, but I sure feel guilty about that. She isn't on my mind 24 hours a day anymore, I feel like that isn't right. I am not sure how grief is supposed to go later on. I am worried I might start forgetting things. eh, I am rambling.


Michele said...

I know what you mean about the complaining. I actually left the two message board groups I was on because I couldnt handle it. After Nicholas and Sophia died, I couldnt listen to the twin mom's complaining and then, after Alexander died, I couldnt handle the singleton complaints either. It was just too hard when my arms were aching and I would have given anything for those complaints.

Brittanie said...

I compare my grief to a "white noise." It's always there, but I've grown so used to it that I don't have to focus on it all the time. I "tune it out" so to speak. Not that that means I forget, or that I don't love her so much, but that it's not all-consuming. It doesn't take every ounce of my focus anymore. It's just there, and the rest of my life has become "louder."

((hugs)) I've been thinking about you a lot lately.

Catherine W said...

I've been wondering how you were doing.

It is very hard to listen to others complain but, as you say, I guess they simply don't realise how lucky they are. I know it would have been hard work to look after twins but I wish I could have both my girls here with me. I wish you could have both your girls too. I wish we'd all met on a forum for swapping tips on raising twins instead.

I don't think you'll forget things and I don't think you need to feel guilty. I don't know how grief progresses either but I don't think that love ever goes away or changes.

Thinking of you, Lillian and Genevive xo

Catherine W said...

Is that Lillian in your facebook profile picture?!

She's looking so grown up! x

Delekatala said...

You ladies are wonderful!

That's my Lily, she is getting so big, she is 18 pounds now.

DeniFay said...

I can't imagine how your heart hurts and how hard it is to balance that going on with life and moving forward with the guilty feeling of forgetting. And I can't stand to hear anyone complain about their pregnancy, their children, or how hard it all is. I'm with you, they have no clue how hard it is to live on the other side of that! Sending love to you and your sweet girls, both of them!!!