Thursday, September 9, 2010

sadness

Every night I spend a little time with Lillian before daddy sings to her and puts her to bed. Today we put on her nightgown. Practiced some words, up, down, eye, mouth, and tattoo, LOL. She loves my tattoos, and likes to rub them. And we did some tickles and raspberries and in general were very goofy. It was bliss, she is such a lovely baby. But in the end I always end up feeling a little sad, and thinking about never playing with Genevive. It makes me feel like I just can't be fully happy , and I wonder if it affects Lillian somehow.

3 comments:

DeniFay said...

I can't imagine your conflicted emotions, just sending you love, and prayers for peace that G is in a good place (I won't say better place, heaven may be perfect, but that doesn't give peace to your soul!!). Lillian will always know that she is greatly loved and that you are a mommy who has so much love that you still give her sister so much love too!!!

Kathryn said...

I just found your blog from Bryce Moline's link...Bryce and my son, Luke, were next door buddies at Dell. Luke is a NEC baby. A surgical NEC baby who lost a lot of bowel. He just turned one. As happy as I am about that milestone, I also feel extraordinarily guilty. As I read your story, I just cried. To quote our neo, NEC sucks. I just wanted you to know that another mom out there feels some of your pain. And the pain that I do not understand I offer up to prayer. You sound like a very strong woman, who's dealing honestly with your grief.

Heidi said...

Thank you for sharing. I too was linked to your blog through Bryce's and though I don't know any of you, just friends of friends... you are in our prayers. There is a wonderful place here in our state that has done wonders for some of my friends. It's called Ele's Place, and it's a center for grieving families. Maybe they could help. Their website is elesplace.org